Word Up, Sister!

Okay, here’s the deal… I promised myself that I wouldn’t become some over-indignant non-smoker jackass while trying to quit this garbage inhaling habit of mine, but promises are meant to be broken or at least bent.  I am really starting to hate you smokin’ smokers!  Not because you smoke, I am not that shallow.  The problem is that as I am conveying to you that I have just quit smoking, and am expressing how draining the process has been… You reach for your pack and light up while I am talking.  It makes me wish I had a tire iron with me at all times, so that I may curb my cravings by beating you bloody in front of your children!  But the hatred doesn’t stop there folks.  I tell you that I have put down the smokes for good and you people reply with cynical bastard commentary.  “Yeah, right.”  “Come back next week and see if you’re still ‘smoke free’.” Or worse yet. “Want a cigarette?”   NO!  Wrong answer!  You losers can’t just be supportive?  You are so insecure in your willpower that anyone who takes a step in the right direction is instantly a threat to you?  That does not compute!  What happened to common decency?

When a prisoner breaks out of jail, beats the system and gets off Scott free, the jailbirds left behind will cheer for the lucky bastard.  Know why?  Because it means that there is hope for them, too.  Well, I am breaking out of jail, I am beating the system, and all you bitches can do is alert the night watchman?  You’re sick!  Each and every one of you!

I am not telling you people to quit or to not quit smoking.  It is none of my business, and me telling you what to do won’t make it easier for you to quit.  Quitting is hard to do and you have to be absolutely dedicated in order for it to work.  What I am doing is insisting that you have a better attitude when faced by a recent quitter?  They are having a craving every 27.5 minutes (or at least I am) and are faced with temptation for 90% of the day and have stepped back and said “No, thanks.” Every time!  Have some respect for that and stop trying to fuck up their track record by slinging doubt and smoke in their faces.    Because if they can dodge the slings and arrows of the tobacco companies, that means that there is hope for you, too. 

So give a quitter a pat on the back and some friendly words of encouragement, or I will chase you down with my tire iron!