Word Up, Sister!

I can’t help it.  I keep expecting to see you somewhere in the crowd.  I could swear that at any moment you’ll surprise me, we’ll embrace and you’ll ask me what I have been up to for the last year. And you’ll tell me about your latest project, or get rich quick scheme, and all of it in one sentence.  You’ll have this new trick to show me or a hot new girlfriend to introduce me to.  You’ll tell me about how your truck is running and how Shelly’s doing in med school.  “What’s the theme for Burning Man this year?  Have you talked to Rose?  Yeah, me neither.”

And of course, you’ll have a tale to tell much taller than the one you had last time. I’m never sure if they’re true.  Like when you followed the dead across America for a year and smoked a joint with Jerry Garcia.  How you lost your tuition money at one poker game in Vegas, but was happy because the drinks were free.

You never talked about the drugs. You never mentioned how the coke felt so right at the time, but cost you your daughter.  You never told me the tale of cold nights spent alone with the whiskey that kept you company and filled the emptiness in your home, in the backyard, and in your soul for a moment.  But you had it together when I met you with fistfuls of ginger beer and big league chew. 

I kissed your shoulder once.  You noticed and stared at me with a question on your mind that you never spoke aloud.  It was meant to be an expression of warmth, but your skin held an electricity that I didn’t expect.  But with it you had a coolness that shrugged it off as an accident. You really had your shit together, on the surface.  I never would have guessed that your foundation rocky.

You’d still be around if you truly had the world in your grasp, as you’d projected.  You wouldn’t have bought the whiskey.  You wouldn’t have bought the drugs.  You wouldn’t have been found 3 days later safely nestled in your own rot amongst the blankets after so long sober. Wasn’t it like 4 years or so?  I’m sure you could have told me the days.  You wouldn’t have crushed every friend you’d ever made.  You wouldn’t have broken my heart with your absence.  

With every death the light of life gets just a little dimmer.  Now I know why humans don’t live for very long.  A person can’t live in darkness alone.  The shit of it is that I can’t put it down.  I have certainly tried.  If only I had known, had a clue, been less surprised.  You had such a love for life, it never occurred to me that the junkie doth protest too much.  But your toothy grin is definitely gone, all for the sake of one last hit.  And when I shrug off this world like an accident I know that I will see you somewhere in the crowd. 

The breeding fad has been around for too long, and it needs to stop.  You people are doing this for the wrong reasons.  You don’t have children due solely to the urge to love, take care of, and raise a child with dignity and respect.  You are having children for the worst reasons imaginable, and none of you have the presence of mind to think about why you want this baby so badly. (I have found it is usually along the lines of “Gee, honey what would a child of ours look like?  Let’s find out.”)   

Accidental babies.  “Oops, I’m pregnant.  Abortion is murder.  So, I’ll just keep it.”  First of all abortion is NOT murder.  Consider it a man-made tier of natural selection.  It is healthy and necessary.  Think of it as removing a tumor, only with a fetus you don’t have to undergo chemo therapy afterward.  Yes, it is hard to do, but so is raising a child if you aren’t ready or prepared to do so.   Speaking personally here… I am one of the accidental children and it was horrifying.  My mother had me at the tender age of 16.  On several occasions thru life, my mother would get very drunk, and sternly informed me that I was an accident, and that my life was the utter ruin of hers.  She married my drunken father, due to her pregnancy and hasn’t forgiven me since.  I know damn good and well that it isn’t my fault… now.  But these things are traumatizing to hear at age 7 and 9 and 14 and 15.  She’s a good woman, but she was never suited to be a parent.  Women who are not prepared for pregnancy are not prepared for motherhood. Simple fact.  Maternal instincts are a myth.  If you are “suited” to motherhood then you are suited for it.  But don’t hold your breath and hope for the love of poopie diapers and high pitched screaming to overtake you in a wave of ecstacy.  It will never happen.   

Worse yet, some kids are born to women who can’t find stability in any other relationship.  If they are pregnant, they’ll often rationalize it with “at least a baby will love me forever.”  That is an incredible and unfair weight to put upon the shoulders of a newborn baby.  Shame on you!  Get a hamster!  A baby is completely controllable and has no opinions of its own… temporarily.  What will you do when they get older, you have to learn enough social skills to keep up with them?  When you want to live a life, wide in variety and freedom, what will you tell your child?  Remember your parents?  So, do you recall the unfair expectations that they laid upon you during your tender years?  Or perhaps you fondly remember their exceptional neglect due to an interest in other things?  They were put under the same pressures as you, learn from their mistakes.  

Here’s a good one.  “My mother wants me to have kids.”  “My mother wants me to get married… to a man.”  I was raised to have the utmost respect for mothers.  Particularly those who are old enough to be my mother.  However, your mother had her shot at breeding.  She can’t tell you what to wear anymore (and if she can, seek help).  She shouldn’t be telling you when to breed, nor that you even have to in the first place.  That is your decision!  Stand up for yourself.  Be an adult.  You don’t have to have children if you don’t want to.

 Let me break things down for you: Babies are cute sometimes.  This a defense mechanism provided by nature, nothing more.  One baby is just like another.  It is not a precious and individual snowflake.  It’s a yowling larvae sack!   

Giving birth is not a “miracle”.  Pregnancy is a chemical reaction and should be treated as such.  A + B = Fetus.  It was perhaps referred to as a miracle back in the days when people did not realize that sex and pregnancy had anything to do with each other.  Women just brought forth life in those days without obvious cause or warning.  But now a days we are well aware of the cause and effects, yet the “miracle” is spreading like the plague.   Producing offspring will not… I repeat… WILL NOT make your life “all better”.  It won’t make your life “complete”.  It won’t heal your marriage.  It won’t stop your husband from screwing around.  It won’t make you more attractive nor cure your menstrual issues.  And that “passing down the family name crap” lost any meaning centuries ago, and it only ever had meaning to men (the selfish bastards)! It won’t provide you with someone who’ll care for you when you’re old.   It won’t even provide you with a guaranteed Mother’s Day gift every year.  These are lies and myths that you have been spoon fed from birth.  The moment your mother had you she started training you for making babies! Children have been reduced to vanity projects.  Happy to break it to ya, but you can get more love and fulfillment from pet store!  Get a cat or a hobby!  Volunteer at a Woman’s shelter.  Help raise money for Cancer survivors without insurance.  Take some pride in yourself instead of expecting a spit-gargling meat sack to fulfill all of your hopes and dreams with their mere existence.   

Adoption.  Now that is a time worthy endeavor.  There are millions of children that have no one to care for them, with the exception of a government clerk that isn’t really required to “care”.   I have asked people time and time again why they have given birth to children instead of adopting.  I am often given half hearted excuses about there being couples out there that can’t have children and blah blah blah. This is utter bullshit.  There aren’t enough non-breeding couples to house these helpless children.  If there were, enough childless couples, foster care wouldn’t be such a nightmare.  But it is. 

Others who favor childbirth, do so because they feel that a child won’t mean anything to them unless it shares their bloodline.  This line of thinking makes no sense to me.  If this is such a problem, then perhaps you shouldn’t strive for children at all…just a suggestion.  

  My reasoning for advocating adoption is that if you adopt you have to really want it. You have to jump through hoops of fire and fill out paperwork and be completely committed to the pursuit of a child. Instead of, just realizing you’re pregnant one day and hoping that it turns out for the best. Therefore, using a baby as a vain attempt to permanently commemorate a beautiful loving and magical relationship that “mysteriously” breaks up once the child is born and reality officially sets in. No relationships are permanent. Only the effects are. I personally would rather tattoo my boyfriends name on my forehead then have a child with him. The former destroys fewer lives than the latter.

Bottom line.  There is no reason to give birth.  Pure and simple. If you want a baby so badly, you should pursue an avenue that has some dignity.  Adopt a child, they are the ones that really need your love and care.    

  Abortion.  Along with popular belief I am all for it!  I saw a bumper sticker a few days ago (inspiring this little rant) and it said “How can you say there are too many children? That’s like saying there are too many flowers.”  Honetly!  I followed this woman until she parked and then asked her if she pulled dandelions and other weeds from her garden!  What are dandelions?  Unwanted flowers!     So, morale of the rant boils down to; be an adult and don’t breed.  Adopt a child or get a pet.  Educate our young women on the “miracle” with a lot more facts and less biased toward breeding.  Make birth control and condoms available for anyone who is physically able to use it!  Make abortion legal in all 50 states and keep it that way until we actually have some reason to give birth again.  Stop reducing our gender to the role of “baby factory” and have some self respect.  Thank you!